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I am trying to say/What I want to say/Without having to say

November 28, 2011

I am tired of the sound of my own voice. I am sick of my shit. I am sick of everyone else’s. I should be more grateful. I think the universe is kinder to me than I give it credit for. It is hard for me to give the universe it’s due. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am always afraid that karma will catch up with me for someone else’s wrongdoings and the gloves will come off.

I am finding it hard to write. I am finding it hard to think.

 

The Sacred and the Profane

I’ve been haunting the lower east side

In dresses

ripped

and torn

snagged on

bedposts

bedspreads

a mattress on the floor of an apartment

on 6th

a place

I thought

I might never

leave

Because some man told me

he was

afraid of death

and I

I was reminiscent of

something

anything

that scared him more than that

And he pinned me down

and

breathed

just

breathed on me

Begging me to see

What

No one else ever

bothered too

Six months later

and I went back

and I

let him do more

than breathe on me

Let him

work his way into my writing

Let him keep the tights

that were

too tight

that closed in

on my thighs

like a vise

like his hands

like his body

keeping me in place

while the rest of me

was somewhere else

I was not there

his hands were

not on my wrists

his breath was not in my ear

don’t ask me where

I was

I don’t know

that I

was

I just know

when it was time

to

go

I slid my leather on

he slid his leather

on

I tossed my

tights on his chest

we tiptoed

through the halls

and I

took such a long, expensive

cab ride

home

and

climbed into my shower

and I

washed him away

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 28, 2011 12:54 am

    Oof girlfriend, I would pay good money to edit this poem with you. Really urgent, haunting, and great.

  2. November 28, 2011 12:25 pm

    Agreed. I will personally print this out and hand the sheet of paper over to Someone Somewhere, for some short-simple-sexy feedback! 🙂 There is so much here, so strong, though I feel like the crux of it can be more..crux-like, if that makes sense.

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