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It wouldn’t have worked out anyway

August 5, 2010

Whenever you fall asleep in the bathtub, you wake up thinking you’ve died. This won’t be the last time you’ll jump to this conclusion upon finding yourself naked and confused in a luke-warm tub.

Get up, get out, get dressed. Lie down on the floor to alleviate the back pain you are used to getting. Lie prone. Think of how much you wish you were lying on someone’s rooftop in Brooklyn, drinking Sapporo (you’ve had a craving for six days, now. Indulge) and smoking bummed cigarettes. You are waiting for this city to give you a sign. You are frantically trying to finish a (worthless) degree so that your ‘real life’ may begin. This real life probably involves escaping this tomb of water, concrete, brick, and ash. You almost passed out once at a show at Tonic (before it closed), but you remember that heady feeling. That inability to breathe, the sweat dripping off your face, the people packed around you, and the music. It was a week or two before your 21st birthday and the lady at the door still wouldn’t stamp your hand (whiskey, whiskey everywhere/not a drop to drink). This city is like that tiny, cramped bar. You shouldn’t see so many people you know everywhere you go, but you do. (and every time you run into someone on the train, you find out someone else you both used to know has died. a sad trend)

This city doesn’t know when to give up. You’re alike in that way.

You were almost caught, this time. Almost. You were starting to fall for the future vision of someone, but their present-self came in and put a stop to that. (it wouldn’t have worked out, anyway)

You will spend a little more time feeling slighted, sad, and disappointed. You will spend more time feeling embarrassed and naive about it all. Then you will go back to doing what you do best.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 8, 2010 8:47 pm

    I love the flow of this.
    I hate the way that this is how I feel so often. I love your honesty. I love you.

  2. theresidentartist permalink
    August 9, 2010 2:05 am

    lovelovelove.

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  1. New York, I Love You (Not): Take 2 | The Resident Artist.

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