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New York will still be there in the morning

August 1, 2010

I’m falling out of love. This whole city is a bad memory. It’s running into stranger after stranger who happens to remember your name and face. I don’t need to say hello to everyone I recognize.

Sometimes I go out when I really don’t want to. I push myself to leave the house, to be productive. “No, mom. I really do need to have a beer with this girl tonight. It’s her birthday.”

So I spend the time, the money, the energy heading down to a bar in the city. I stay for one (overpriced) drink. I then leave and decide to wander with my partner in crime for the night (for this night, for so many others) and we end up sitting across the street from The Plaza ruminating on all the money and chances we don’t have.

I’m falling out of love with this city. It happens once or twice a year. I get disgusted with everything and everyone. I fantasize about running away to the country and finding God (myself), going somewhere green and alive.

I know someone who calls it brick sickness. You just need to get away from the concrete, the asphalt, the tar. All of it drives you mad.

But it also protects you.

I’m hard, I’m so filled with pride. I try to be forgiving, but I never forget past slights. Why should I? If someone has the ability to bring you down once, chances are they’ll do it again. And if someone can be broken after years of living in this city, what chance does anyone anywhere else have?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 1, 2010 8:40 pm

    “brick sickness” …i wonder when it’ll hit me again, that sort of sickness. every time i’m away i miss the concrete.
    sad, so sad.

    you need an extended weekend at some green place out of here. know of anyone, any friend, leaving the state some time soon?

  2. August 1, 2010 8:41 pm

    btw: love the panned shot benches as logo. it’s beautiful.

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